Putting my life in order: Purging toxic relationships

Couple of month ago I posted this long status on Facebook:
Earlier this January I was reflecting on how my life went during the past few years, I realized that throughout these few years I lost almost all my support systems, people I rely on when in need.. Either because these people hurt me but I never said anything to them, and sometimes I never really understood the depth of the injury, or because their personal circumstances changed and they don’t have a place for me in their lives anymore, at least not the way it used to be.
At first I was not happy with this thought, I fought it for a while until I had to come to peace with it.
The fact is. This is life. Nothing stays the way it is forever and I have to accept that. I always knew this fact and thought of it as the ultimate fact of life and nature, but never really let it in when it comes to people who are important to me, so I keep feeling frustrated and/or hurt every time it happens.
As for me, the mere fact that I realized I already lost people is a big change in me.. I no longer tolerate bullshit or abuse of any kind just to comfort someone else. I no longer hang on to someone or something just out of habit. Now I can identify a change in someone when I see it, I don’t stand there confused, not knowing what is happening or why. I had to learn that the hard way, with a lot of sadness, a lot of nights crying myself to sleep, and a lot of scars. I also realized that I even spent years of my life meeting new people but never really letting them in just because deep down I was afraid of loosing them someday, or worse, having them hurting me.. But I finally mad the turn, and I like to think of it as maturity that came a little bit late, but better than never.
“Some people come in your life as blessings, some come in your life as lessons.” I understand that now. But I have to add that not all people who come in to your life are here to stay. Actually, nobody is here to stay. I lost people and I will find others. People lost me and they will find others, and loose them again. Exceptions are possible, and it’s usually family that makes it, family might hurt you, but you can count on them to never let you go.
Change is probably the only constant fact in life and in nature, this is how nature evolves, or else it’s “extinction”, and as creatures of nature we all change, we all evolve, it’s the impact that we make on each other’s lives during the brief time we spend together is what makes life what it is, it’s what makes us grow.. See, it’s not about meeting people and loosing them at all.. Look at the big picture, It’s about trying to be a blessing to someone (hopefully not a lesson!), being hurt -beyond repair- is just the way mother nature tells you, “this is it, end of line for this person in your life, lesson learned, time to move on”.. Think about it this way and maybe your heart will not break the next time, maybe my heart won’t.
In life, I will always meet people and lose them.. We all come and go, either as blessings or as lessons.
And that is perfectly ok.
This status generated a wave of worries among my friends and family, I even had family members living half way across the globe calling to check on me and offering there full support no matter what the problem is (and that warmed my heart, I’m really beyond grateful).
My Facebook friends are not used to such statuses. Not that on Facebook I only talk about the good and neglect the bad, it’s just that I stopped posting about my life on Facebook in general for year now, so seeing that type of statuses was highly unusual for my friends and family who only get to see cute kitty posts on my timeline!
The thing is, I needed to speak up my mind and let people be prepared for what is coming next.
This status is especially important to me because it signals the beginning of “purging toxic relations” from my life, as part of my big de-cluttering life project I had started at the beginning of the year.
See, what I meant with this status, and the broken relationships I talked about were actually friendships that “went wrong”, people whom I thought were close friends and then turned out to be not exactly what I thought.. But for some reason everybody who read this status thought I was talking about a love affair! (because of the ‘broken heart’ part maybe?)
Anyway.. I made up my mind that some people don’t deserve staying in my life anymore, just as I’m sure that for some people I don’t deserve staying in theirs. And that’s ok.. We all change and sometimes changes takes us to opposite directions.
Re-read the post above and tell me what do you think?
Advertisements

3 Replies to “Putting my life in order: Purging toxic relationships”

  1. I feel the same as you. While I go through my stuff and ask myself “why have I kept this totally useless piece of junk for so long?” I can’t help but also thinking “why are some people in my life?”. As you said, life is change. Maybe I’m not meant to be someone’s life and they are not meant to be in mine. This is OK. I just don’t have time and energy for other people’s bs. Paradoxically, relationships are freedom. Freedom to be who we really are.
    All the best on your journey and thank you for sharing your experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the support Sara… I like what you said “relationships are freedom”.. I never thought about it that way although it sound only logic! You just gave me another excelent way to evaluate my relationships. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re very welcome! 🙂 Do what makes you feel good. It’s not about being selfish, it is about being fair and honest with ourselves and our inner nature. I think we live a busy life and some times we get lost in distractions and stuff and things that we don’t need or they don’t make us feel good, but we put up with them anyway. We all have different reasons. So I don’t think there’s is one answer that works for everyone. But if you imagine freedom, the freedom to be yourself with the people around you, this is important for everyone. We can be free, even in relationships, if there is mutual respect and understanding.
        I suppose that the issue is that all this that I’m talking about, it’s just me talking. The reality is more difficult and I’m in no better position that yours. But hey, bit by bit… no rush. Best of luck and never give up your dreams 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s