Last week I realized that I am a mindful person by nature.
Mindfulness as I understood it, is about living in the moment, appreciating everything I have or had and fully appreciate my life and I’m living it.
To some extent I was that kind of person -or should I say child- who would disconnect from everything around me and just immerse myself in the moment: the movement around me, the sounds, smells, colors.. I would take a deep breath and try to get a good grasp of the moment I’m in, of every small detail.. I would even try to ‘recreate’ some of these moments in my memory and my actions.. That was me until quite a late time in my youth..
I kind of lost this ability as I grew up, but until my late 20s I kept a very dear appreciation for what I called ‘little details’, actually I was quite obsessed with the idea of little details.. I would be sitting somewhere or even passing by, and pay attention to the details that people usually overlook: a cat sitting in the sun grooming himself, a plastic bag, a plant, a door, a window or even an entire building.. Sometimes I would even look at my hand and appreciate its unique details that make it an excellent tool ‘to make things’ and how different our lives would be if we had our hands made in a different structure or form…
When I have to be somewhere I don’t like or deal with something I don’t want to deal with, I would search for the little details that make it ‘bearable’..
I remember when I first got my job I was not getting along very well with everyone around me, I couldn’t feel that I fit in very well, the little details made it easier for me bit by bit to settle and get better.. Some of my favorite details were: the view form my window of an old minaret picking from behind the modern looking buildings, the sun beams on the floor that looked like a golden carpet the moment I step out of the elevator, the word “Good Morning” that I hear in all voice layers from every one around me in early morning..
Day after day I started to look forward to go to work just to be greeted by my everyday details..
Over time, with pressure and hustle and burdens of everyday life, I lost my ability to slow down and pay attention.. To live in the moment..
Then I heard about ‘gratitude journaling’, tried it, liked it but could not feel its ‘deep effect’ on me as many people said that it had on them.. I heard about mindfulness and meditation but could not focus well enough to meditate!
And then I realized that maybe the reason why gratitude journaling did not have that ‘life-changing’ effect on my is because I already have this mindset of appreciating the little things, the blessings, the small details of everyday life, I jut lost my focus somewhere in the past decade… But I’m happy I found it again..
I’m still bad at meditation, I don’t think I’ll ever be good at it, but I’m getting better at mindfulness.. Or should I say, better at getting back to my old self.. This time I’m doing it in a more intentional way. I am finding the little details around me to appreciate them, and never let them go..
That is mindfulness, or at least a part of it.. Right?